Bullying
Bullying can be subtle, insidious, and downright devastating. As a parent of a child who has been bullied knows, you may feel helpless to help your child, and may even feel bullied by the school system designed to protect your child. You may also feel bullied by other parents.
10% of Australia children report being bullied at Primary School – and this figure is said to be grossly underestimated. Bullying is when someone likes to have power over another person and hurt them with their words and actions – again and again, often without reason.
Bullying stops children feeling safe and happy. It can affect their self-esteem, resilience, schoolwork, and sleep. Being bullied can make children depressed and/or anxious, and can lead to school refusal. There are many types of bullying including physical, emotional, rumour spreading, exclusion, verbal and cyber bullying.
If you suspect your child is being bullied, or are concerned about recent mood swings (see our page on Children and Depression), it is important to talk to them about what is going on in their friendship groups at school. Kids and young people often don’t recognise exclusion and other subtle signs as bullying, but may refer to a friend, ‘being mean’. Question them carefully – if this behaviour sounds repetitive and targeted, then it qualifies as bullying, and as a parent it’s time to take action.
Your first port of call is the class teacher, then year level coordinator, up to Vice Principal and Principal. All schools have an anti-bullying policy/or have a policy on bullying, but not all schools are able to implement these policies adequately. So it is important that it is followed through thoroughly by you, the parent. This is vital as your child/adolescent needs to see that you are taking action.
Secondly, you need to attend to your child/adolescent’s well-being. The school counsellor is your first option, and it is important to ensure that your child engages with this process. If you feel for some reason that this hasn’t happened, or that the school counsellor wasn’t able to offer enough support frequently enough for your child’s needs, seek outside help.
Thirdly, this may have brought up issues for you. Going through this process with your child or adolescent may have made you realise that what you put down to a ‘difficult time with friendship groups at school in your teens’ was actually bullying that went unrecognised for one reason or another. Or in following this process through for your child/adolescent, you may have been bullied by other parents. If you are struggling to come to terms with some of these issues yourself – seek help. And talk to your child/adolescent about this (in age appropriate terms that they can understand). In doing this you are demonstrating to them that it’s okay to talk about your problems, and that it’s okay to seek help when you need to.